Wednesday, January 30, 2013

3:30 in the morning

It is 3:30 in the morning.  I am not tired. I am hungry. For PB and J on soft, new bread.

I am bipolar. I am a mom to three fun and funny middle schoolers. I am also a high level executive at one of the worlds largest companies. I was diagnosed 14 years ago and on various medications ever since. I am mostly well. And always scared as I know what the abyss really feels like. It terrifies me.

I have an amazing husband.  I remember hearing somewhere that some ridiculous percentage of marriages with a bipolar person end in divorce.  My husband's dedication has kept our marriage strong. I know I am lucky.

I know the inside of a psych ward. I know the burden of stigma and secrecy. I know the feelings of inadequacy when I have to question whether my feelings or perception are "real" or warped.

I have wanted to write about this for a long time.  Partly because it is carthartic for me, but more importantly, I feel I need to share that people with diagnosed mental illness have plenty of tools available, and can be successful

I look forward to our shared efforts so thank you for honoring me with your time. More to come.  For now, however, I am going back to bed.

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